Mrs Organic Jones

Fuck me or I’ll faint

she says

underneath this desperate thread
that keeps coming undone
when she finds herself out
of it again and again
and again

why won’t he look at me
hes with no one else
thats plain ta fucking see

Fuck me
or I’ll faint
she says
he’s with that fucken’ tart
what the hell has she got
at least I’ve got heart
oh great he’s leaving her and looken at me ~ I wink and smile and wiggle my fucken big toe
here he comes

Fuck me
or i’ll faint

Hello Mrs Jones
what are you doing here
Its me Pete

I used to live down the road
your son used to go to the same school as me
God luv that must be some years or so ago

Id recognise you anywhere Mrs Jones
leaning up close says ~ you still do ya smoko
and a blow job to go…

Fuck me
or i’ll faint
I thought you’d never ask
Of course love of course and aven’t you grown
come on let me grab me bag
we’re good to go
I don’t need no face lift
or to look seventeen
all I need is me title Mrs Jones
and the rest is all organic and free

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The Blame and Shame of a Name

If you loose track look to the heavens of the universe

you may be lucky enough to see sight of who you are

Names are Meaningful in this World

They can make you

They can also break you

Who am I
If I don’t know who doesIf I allowed myself to believe ~ to let go of my fear

perhaps I’d receive answer
That God knows who I am
I Say God knows
I say it often ~ because I truly don’t know and Truth is
If God did once know
I think he lost track with me long long ago
cause I’ve been so many many names
and

with those names comes a person
me
As I grew up so did the many names
as quick as they were born they died
I had burials for them all
Bonnie Billy Jean and May Rae for awhile
Star Bright Star Crash and then Fall

When I was small my first name given was Little Bitch
as I grew older It became just Bitch then Bloody Bitch
Then Slut Crazy Dumb Stupid Bitch
Until one day the names just all blurred into one
I started making up my own names
The names you read above

Names of stars
Names Id heard from movies and such

Names of persons I’d try to be
Hoping that if I took a little from all of these stars
some of their shine would perhaps rub off on me
maybe

maybe for awhile I could be Star or Bonnie Billy Jean
for a while not be blamed nor shamed

Now in between my names and with their names a lot of time has past
much and many and most things happened to me ~ all of me ~ included each and every  name
much and many and most things I don’t remember and much and many and most things I can remember

then things suddenly became a blur
I would often find myself ‘
just staring into the night sky
wishing praying asking begging who am I
thinking If I had a name

My own very own name
one that didn’t cause any blame any shame
I might be able to be free
find me ~ find who I am
just be me

so the only stars I allowed myself to name
are those I can truly seeI had read somewhere that we were created from stars
and knew that I was born of the star sign cancer

One winter night as I stared up to the skies
I asked God

I asked the Universe ~ Who am I

Through a telescope
I looked to the stars of the heavens that night
And saw for myself the most wonderous sight
between Gemini and Leo is the mid winter constellation Cancer
amongst all the stars in the deep of the dark
I was staring at the Beehive Cluster
Praesepe I whispered

The Manger The Crib

A tear I have held for years inside the rubble of me
fell and broke inside an explosion of emotions
I had always wondered about my very last name

not one I’d made

but was a given by someone who was kind to me
Beez

She had told me the story of the bees cluster

taught me the names of real stars

had shown me I existed through her eye of the night

the telescope

Why I’d never thought such a name could be me

as I had wondered back long ago why the people who parented me
wanted to be my parents ~ came up with names only of blame and shame

all I know is since I’ve been beez
I have not been blamed and shamed

I am happy
just to be
me

I didn’t need a God

The universe was there looking over me

n my name was there all the time

Dream …I Am

Touched by the misty mornings light
kisses whisper across my blue eyes
with surprise I am looking out of myself
looking down at me in my dream

I am the sky
looking now into my eyes
white clouds drift on by
An extraordinary view of me lays below
so vast am I now spreading out of myself
I become the sea that is mirrored by sunlight
in my blue blue eyes

I look deep within
and see I am now
but a mere speck of myself
I close my eyes
as white soft tides of surf
brings me

back in

The Drought of You

I rain dance for the drought of you

Blackbirds die in the wells of your eyes
Your chemical love
pin cushions your heart a toxic beating
Your kisses now give a death cold twist
for nothing is left in you
but the death
of you

Your spirit
I watched
Slowly committed suicide
Still is your pin cushion heart
Toxic beatings bruise the cruise
of your life
now a drought
Your hollow words
scream at me

I rain dance for the drought of you

Grey

deep breaths

behind the curtain

calls

of low key

ebony plays

a tinker of white

we are not

what we say we are

we are not

what we say we are

the white frost of your eyes hard

locked into the

dark deep ebony

of play

calling out

we are not what we say we are

In a world of multitude chords

screams your violin heart to me

as I bow down

the kiss of cold frost melts

in your eyes

playing I am not what I say I am

I am not what I play I am

I am

a multitude of chords

rippling the waters of reflective thoughts and memories

placed in my mind

I hold my breathe

I dive into my drug

by those who threw the stones before me

and here melting into my ebony eyes

is the white frost of your glare

melting an inter racial stare of grey despair

and we will forever be

not what we say we are

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Eclispe

I wonder about that scream
in the calm of me
I wonder
where it is
does it hide
Is it shy
how long can a scream last for
Is it alive
a living breathing thing
that lays waiting
not knowing how to be
a part of me

In the calm of me
I am clouds gathering a storm
of pasts presents and future worries
in the calm of me
I am the cat
basking in the warmth of the sun
a butterfly
a smile of content
as I fly my eyes of kites in blue skies
but always on the horizon
a wall of unknown
this whisper of screams
in uncertainties
can be heard
unsettling
against my sails
of the carefree

Like a giant wave
qualms of ill foreboding rise above me
a full moon
bloody in miscarriage
eclipse with the sun
blinding
and again I lose my way
in the internal scream
of what
lays dormant
uncoloured
I am to those that see
in black and white
a portrait of me
quiet somewhat shy
within a scream
waiting not knowing how to be
in this part of me

Why Didn’t You Call

death

you unreasonably
never make appointment
of time
then expect all to follow
your hand at play
I think your unsuitable
for the position
You lack the compassion
empathy required
for the decency of others
in such times
With nil consideration
For those leaving
you know what I think
you were a gambler
Before you got this gig
No self respecting spirit
would want to be the one
Who decides who stays who dies
You likely tossed two up
in n alley
nothing so sophisticated
as a legal establishment
you don’t even dress as n official
for such grief
requires effort
n you there in your trackers
A cap WTF is that
Yes I saw you tonight
You sat on the edge of my friends bed
I felt you with my third eye
n I saw you yawn
Don’t think you’ll get away with this
you’ll have to deal with me
sooner or later
n I’ll take my bloody time
My friend has your number
oh yes we know there’s more than just you
it’s a shift workers position
so quit the act
Of being all of this n that
your just a dead person
picking up the dead
But you
You did my friend wrong
he didn’t really have to go
I believe I truly do
that you were slack
n if you had been attentive
As there must be rules
He could have made it
but he didn’t
It’s you who let him go
I can’t forgive you
I can’t
I can’t
I can’t
I detest you
You could have let him stay
just a lil longer
I know he was crossing over
But you gave me no warning
you gave him No Warning I bet

All I wanted was a few more chances
to change his mind
Show him
If he could have just seen
what I had did you know perfectly well

what that’s about

and
Perhaps he may have decided to stay

you never gave him this chance

I don’t like you death
I just don’t like you
Your too final
It’s too much
for living to grasp
When it’s suddenly invisible gone
There is no anything left
I’m sorry death
I’m all screwed up
like waste paper that’s missed the basket
n a wind has picked me up
Tossed me on the street
Cars are hurtling pass
Missing me by the very skin I’m in

I’m crazed by your presence

I just miss my friend
His life
was so full of sadness pain
I just don’t understand
Why life can be so cruel for so long
n death
Death never takes a life time to leave
But life takes so much from the one who’s life in the end always has to leave
n all involved that loved this life
It all seems so back to front wrong
Why does anyone have to be living a life that’s so hard so wrong
Then as quick as a wink
Their day is up
n no one gets to see it any differently
If you’ve been in pain
You don’t get to live without this pain
If you’ve never been loved or love
You don’t get to experience that
Before your times up
It just happens
You stroll in
With no warning
Be it Overdose Cancer Heart Attack Accident Murder
The list is long n frightful
it’s like cross fingers touch wood
if your name gets called
Depending who’s death shift it is
Seems like some you let live
others you let fall

Like tossing a two up
only you get to call ,,,,,