September: the boy who was born with blue eyes


September blue

this name I gave

and secretly called out to you

for as fast as I passed out

so you were born and passed out to strangers hands

who laid you in a crib with no hand or arms

no breasts

no blood warmth of flesh

against your skin only

a blanket of acrylic

fake comfort

and I know how you must have cried

for your tears were mine

our eyes tears of September Blues

each year like clockwork you bury deep within my skin

around in fetal curl the memory of you breaks my heart

September blue

I cry out the loudest of silent screams

as this month once again repeats itself

the ground i stand on caves in beneath

burying me into the deepest darkest pit

no sound or sight

I loose everything within me

I feel every tiny piece of my skin dissolve into nothing

I loose speech I cannot say a word

I have no words left to say

I cannot move

there is no light in this place

there is nothing but a gut wrenching stab

I scream inwards the pain of loss grief

stand in the deafening silence within me

where am I

where do you take me

i fear this is where i left you

my dear beautiful baby blue

September blue

Depression is the name they have given you

I shun this name

its like the colour of death bluer than blue

I shun next year

I know you will come

For three months my grief is a tidal wave of tears

with no where to go I choke on my mouthless face of empty words

I suffocate in the silence of my minds memory

September October November

the first letter of each month S O N

was this coincidence or fate

each year my son comes back to bury me alive

I cant blame him

I was his mother

and I passed out when he was born

what sort of mother does that

when I opened my eyes you were gone

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Missing

Image


 

Somewhere out in the world

You wake from sleep

No different from anyone else in this world

You drink You eat You sneeze

You piss n shit

put out your garbage

mow your lawn

Pick your nose

Fart burp swear

make love

Make anger your thirst

Somewhere in this world there is You

Who doesn’t think

About any of this shit

your name I know well

System

you wear a mask of the caretakers of life

oh my name you ask

Disobey

everything you represent

The Maker n Taker of Being Human

 

The Dance of Odd Balls


 

Such is the dance
that leaves odd balls
paralyzed
wingless
footless
lost in life
sitting in dark corners
wearing masks
sugar coated
with nothing real inside

You
don’t even know yourself
to fill quarter of a room
never alone
The kiss kiss
BIG smiles
pleased to sees YOU’s
popularity poles
that all
love to cling
slide and swing

NO YOU sit and hide shy
with that shell of yours
WHATS to talk of
star signs ?
and whats more frightening
to being out of it
or in
that shell you carry
like a crab has
on its back
moving sideways
never fronting your fears
not even when you catch a glimpse
of yourself
do you stand Tall Proud
and reflect
your reflection
NO YOU REJECT
even that of your own image
that you now make
since long ago
the gods must be crazy parents
you propped up on pedestals
and left you to deal with a world
your so quick to reject

 

But here’s the deal
once you give in
You give up on yourself
and all of the above is going to become
your lowest point in the world
your not a sad reflection
your not an affliction
Don’t let the phonies
push you back
in that shell
Get out now
while you can
Stop living your life in a trance
or this will be
your last chance
to show the world
Odd balls
can dance

 

 

The Drought Of You


 

 

The drought of you
I rain dance for the drought of you

Blackbirds die in the wells of your eyes
Your chemical love
pin cushions your heart a toxic beating
Your kisses now give a death cold twist
for nothing is left in you
but the death
of you

Your spirit
I watched
Slowly committed suicide
Still is your pin cushion heart
Toxic beatings bruise the cruise
of your life
now a drought
Your hollow words
scream at me

I rain dance for the drought of you

 

Orange Bottles


americandenial

translucent orange bottles,
unmistakable rattle,
No one has to know
They will tell me I do not need them.

Internal suffering hidden behind socially acceptable facial expressions.
Tell them how many activities you did,
how little rest you got,
you want to appear strong.
The answer to “how are you?” Is always “good!”

Dulled senses. Silence more enjoyable than music. Pleasure is a distant memory.

If functionality continues, your thoughts are inconsequential.
push the boundaries of your mind until it is so uncomfortable you can hardly bear it.
But do it with a smile.
There! Now you are doing it right!

The fallacy of society: strength is someone who suffers, does not take the “easy” way out.

I hide. I do not let them see. My arms and legs leaden. A parched mouth and cracking lips tolerated.
Too great is the energy expenditure required to reach a glass of water…

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There’s no I On The Street .. Just Survive n Live


 

In the brilliance of the night
screaming believers rage the streets of plenty
looking for holes in hope
needles and thread they carry in the plenty
band aids won’t help here ~ friends
there’s more than enough of the ill and the lost to live on
and here with the wheelers and dealers
the screaming believers and do gooders’ and not so good at doing much
Is someones little taste of paradise
thats all gone to shit

Down here with the lost and ill chills
There’s a taste for lost souls
Where the angels fly close to the ground
many a feather seen found
being worn in one of the lost crowns
For they are all Kings and Queens here

From times of once before and could have been and dreams
Yes dreams ~ There are dreamers here
those that will forever be lost in a dream
Mostly its nightmares and fallen frowns
that now blanket over once upon a time smiles

Here the smudged out blackbird eyes wear misery
thats been stubbed out like a coal bud
burnt down to its filter
to suck up the grease and shit on the street

Such is the movements of notes here
Conducted by the skinned boned pimps
that smile with croc teeth
hungry for fresh meat

Here is my street
here is where I was found
in the lost and found
here is where I lived my youth
taken by the smile of croc teeth
here is the place where I dreamed of escape
and lived nightmares
here is the place I will sometimes return
to remind me
life is priceless
dreams
can
come true
to get out
mine came with a price

Loss of life
the sentence
to carry for the term of my life