At the End of the Rainbow

 

don’t throw your life in front of life

there will be no kiss of death

there will be nothing

just the living death of life

born from babe to adult

you will be dragged from pillar to post

taught things that not even a non life should fucking see

institutionalised with understandings that should not be

called education

given cosmetics to manipulate the scene

trained to be empathetic but really its just a hedge for more sinister purposes

like

tough love

cause while we all can see what its like to walk in the others shoes

Oh How WE STATE WE FEEL

how many of us really do

or even Do something about the empathetic state of being

They all live on an island

called a state of mind and choice

but see the choice can at times be what is thought of as lost at see

the Blind state of being

blinkers come in handy for such things

especially when they upset ones own state of being

I wish i was a volcano

at least I could erupt naturally

if I could spill my words out

LAVAtate

if I could spew up a vomit of my life to you

if would be the hottest shit in town

written on the front page of your frown

but instead I’m living in a life of unnatural habits

my naturally is no more natural than fucking kids starving

or the kidney being ripped out of the starving for a buck

to fill another with life, fell of the truck luck

and wars and drugs and chemicals and cancers and cigarettes

yeah all that shit

getting in our lungs in our air

and everyday I look at You and You and ME

and I see sadness and shit and fucking unnatural habitat

I don’t even recognise myself

cause i really thought I was somebody with a care

but I’m just the same as you who I detest so fucking much

I sit and write my words tonight with the full knowledge that

as I write a child is born and one does die a senseless death

and all I do is write this crap

surely we are worth even more than that

Shedding

beneath pools of light
a been of lately
touching
where
the shy of me fetal
your words so harsh
I lay soft
still
beneath
the stark of your say
and stutter
my eyes can’t speak
the thoughts that scream
within me of a time that I lost with you
when you were nothing more than I
but so much taller and bigger and wise
and took that an all of me to know
that you never loved
this skin
I shed for you
and now
beneath trees
I wonder
in their knowledge
of being
and become the light
within
Internally burning
now me
Bright and Shining ‘
I leave you behind
and fly free of these chains
and see growing the child of me
a daisy
I bloom to rose
with thorns of protection
and defensive I may be
now a woman of the sky
my eyes are so blue
with new horizons
I rise each day
no longer in need
of the I

INTO THE HEART

 

 

I saw a thousand beautiful lights

I was looking into the heart
   of but one
A mind that lights up the night
The night of a thousand lights
   and thats when I saw love
Beneath a diamond sky
  shimmering in luminous mist,  Like eternity
and I cried out
   Let me stay
               in this bright bright beautiful world
and then we were
                        and you

born ahead of your time
   and like the light

You shined within 

now eternal

forever with me 

Hunger

 

the truth bites quick

when you’re looking

always

searching

like a church spire

I see you like a promise

your name is hunger

always there

watching

like a memory

knotted in the trees

You are ancient to me

my let me down of me  rumbles

and stumbles

down

down

the long flickers of candle wick

alone

into the dark

of the inside of me

skin deep as I sleep

trying to cut keys

to fit

who

I am

my own personal jesus

like a song

religiously sung

I am

the answer

and the

question

of me

hungry

always hungry

for more

of

who I am

in

the

me

A State of Mind – Alzheimer’s

stretched

my limits now ride like a limousine

the passenger

a raw nerve

of what I used to be

I watch myself

in the revision mirror

holding onto the line

a crow has made a furrow

across my forehead

anxiety shadows

the black sobs of sorrow

I paint

as to each I tell the story

in lost hope

that I may reach the care centre

the heart line of hope

this sad fucking hope I hold onto

knowing all they tell are lies

I want to scream

at these pimps

that feed me their lines

asking me to cry

makes them feel needy

they prostitute

my mothers voice

I internalise through mine

finally the advocate

the devil itself

says Yes

Yes

How can i help you

a voice older than mine

could be my mothers age

but devils choice

you hear what you want to hear

Im being skinned alive

like an apple, cored

He sticks his finger through my eye

making me cry this grief

I feel inside

then smiles a word or two

and says

Im sorry

You need to ring another line

we don’t offer the kind of hope your after here

things are not meant to be easy child

didn’t your mother teach you anything

its all rather complicated you see

and after all

you need to be

in the right state

and at the moment

your a long way from here

another time

and we’ll see you then but for now

your your mothers voice

and she is displaced

in the lost and found of time

and no one

not even daughters can change

a state of mind

The Desert In I

the sands satin sheets

sparkle trillions of diamond lights

covering the desert

by the unruly wind

laid out

in the kiln

of the fiery sun

the sadness of bones

starched white

disconnected

body parts

discarded

scattered and strewn

like a psychotic autumn

had fallen them

to rot

in the humidity

of the breathless air

and by the death of cold

if night had teeth

would splinter

like rot wood

quietly on this landscape

see emerging

an artist

shy at first

brushing across the brightly painted skies

a depth of blue

that not even God could dream

and from above the fold and turn

of drifting  barren clouds

a dry white noise

Screams from the ghost gums

cockatoos

a feather boa

drapes the limbs

disrupting all that is still

and beneath

the sheets of diamond sands

writhes and slithers in the shape of a snake

a whip of  hiss

and a tongue of blue

slips past your feet

Jumping high

rusted shapes take form

a kangaroo

all awhile the sun spears bones

colourless white

injecting you internally

a cord

of this desert life

a time that was stilled

of long ago

wildlife that dinosaurs would only know

and plants like weapons from another world

that grow sharp hard and fast

a life that takes nothing for chance

and everything

to feed its well

and here you are

with me

in the quiet shy

artist

of the desert

in I

Just Under My Tongue

 

Just under my tongue

I hide my words

truths

lies

secrets

loves

the dark matter

Just under my tongue

my stars

my night

my sky

blue

days

lost

in my ways

I hide myself

all of me

the grief

Just under my tongue

of untold

whispers  

Of Untold

truths

when I said 

I love you

but didn’t

that hold 

that I never felt

or had 

the hand 

I always wanted

and never asked

for

the sex exchanged for love

pleasure 

the guilt

all just under my tongue

I hide

my done and undone

and a lot of forgotten

a lot of untold

and things I said

and didn’t

the shame

the sadness 

the loss

but never Have I told you

just under my tongue

the truths that would bring me undone

of the love 

that 

once 

was my hold

of

You 

 

In the Changing Room of Me

would it be a kindness

to put you down

so many of me

I try another self to please

so many I have had and been

and tossed to turf

in the changing rooms of me

these many selves not right to be

the fit the sway the swagger

the way this shadow swallows up my whole

never fitting

too tight

to large this self I try

to small

to less

to more

Oh!  to find the right fit of me

years and years we try and change

the many selves of ourself to be

just one thats right

thats right for me

the changes that I’ve seen and been

If I could settle for less

would that be more than me could be

they say less is more

oh for the perfect fit of me

Point me to your changing rooms

please