Avalanche


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did I feel    was I aware of this Avalanche over the years within me

how much of me has been collected shifted thrown n broken

now lays beneath my years of constant build n fall

dismembered my mind tries to recall when  ….yet slides with all the many pieces jaded cracked n broken

I the mountain climb me through my rubble rock n grasses
tree roots protrude like great gnarly fingers of hand
I grasp as they let loose n I tumble back down a ways
my peek the very top of me a shroud of golden sunshine
falls short at my shoulders
fine hair line of light glimmers with hope
as I again begin this slow long climb
back to me
I the mountain peek of my time in rubble
tired n broken the beating of my heart is wounded deep
n as I travel upward the wounds open fresh with memories
the hurt pain loss
mixed with shame and guilt now solidified like giant rocks
blocking my way of passage
tears fall a river  reflecting light from above

I stop to peer at this image in the waters now still of the fallen tears

I try to see a sign as I am not of me nor the I remembered

curiousity fills my eyes  eagerness fills my mind  regret I realise is truly dismembered perhaps like the appendix not a necessity in knowing  who I’ve become n what becoming means or of the left behinds broken in the rubble of long ago hurt pain loss

I choose to now follow this rivers course seeing through the darkness of shadows and the never end of shifting clouds

so new is my growth I stand tall feel lighter perhaps like a cloud the I of me is meant to be of the darkness and the light shifting changing with the tides of time
every new burst of growth buds courage and the strength to keep climbing
this the avalanche at the very low of me to my highest peek of who I am
and in time I’ll learn to love me
n find that dream

love waiting for me …..when I reach my mountains peek

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