September: the boy who was born with blue eyes


September blue

this name I gave

and secretly called out to you

for as fast as I passed out

so you were born and passed out to strangers hands

who laid you in a crib with no hand or arms

no breasts

no blood warmth of flesh

against your skin only

a blanket of acrylic

fake comfort

and I know how you must have cried

for your tears were mine

our eyes tears of September Blues

each year like clockwork you bury deep within my skin

around in fetal curl the memory of you breaks my heart

September blue

I cry out the loudest of silent screams

as this month once again repeats itself

the ground i stand on caves in beneath

burying me into the deepest darkest pit

no sound or sight

I loose everything within me

I feel every tiny piece of my skin dissolve into nothing

I loose speech I cannot say a word

I have no words left to say

I cannot move

there is no light in this place

there is nothing but a gut wrenching stab

I scream inwards the pain of loss grief

stand in the deafening silence within me

where am I

where do you take me

i fear this is where i left you

my dear beautiful baby blue

September blue

Depression is the name they have given you

I shun this name

its like the colour of death bluer than blue

I shun next year

I know you will come

For three months my grief is a tidal wave of tears

with no where to go I choke on my mouthless face of empty words

I suffocate in the silence of my minds memory

September October November

the first letter of each month S O N

was this coincidence or fate

each year my son comes back to bury me alive

I cant blame him

I was his mother

and I passed out when he was born

what sort of mother does that

when I opened my eyes you were gone

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